A public letter to the state of Mississippi

*sigh*
So, it's that time of the decade. That time when a small group of "christians" try pushing an agenda counter to the status quo, under the auspice of "protecting" someone. In this case, a fertilized egg.

Let me start with my personal position. I have no kids. Not for lack of trying. But I had an operation as a kid that functions pretty well as a vasectomy. Despite this, I lost count on the number of times I heard the phrase "I think I'm pregnant". And each time, I secretly rejoiced. Though as time wore on, I stopped letting myself hope. I'm good with kids, I love shaping minds, and generally I feel that procreation is the ONLY way to keep people on this planet.

That said, I'm not only pro-abortion in the case of dangerous pregnancies, but I'm pro-choice. And if you'll bear with me, I'd like to tell you why.

The source.
First, I object to the source. Christianity. Not that the source IS Christianity, but that it's religion, it's dogma. Separation of Church and State is the very foundation of this county and every attempt to twist that degrades us. And it's not all christians, is a small group of folks that brought us 'creation in schools'. It's about The Wedge. The wedge is a plan to "return America to it's core christian values." They want abortion made illegal, they want women's rights repealed (like voting, and choosing their own manner of dress), and they want THEIR religion taught in schools. In short, they want the U.S. to have all the same things that terrify us about Islamic law.

[that's right folks, you vote against Roe v. Wade and the terrorists win!]

The Law.
Okay, so let's ignore the fact that this is about "abortion" and let's talk about "life". Long before abortion became an issue, we had a bunch of pretty well defined laws about what's "no longer alive". These laws vary slightly from state to state, but the long and short of them is that if the person cannot continue living without mechanical life support, and cannot answer for themselves, then the closest relative has the right to determine their fate. This is so accepted that "pulling the plug" is a common term for ending ANYTHING that's gone on too long.

Okay, so let's flip that over. If brain-dead mechanical assistance means "no longer alive" then brain-dead mechanical assistance can also mean "not yet alive". In short, the fetus is NOT a legal person UNTIL it can survive, on it's own, without mechanical (or biological) assistance. Now, I may not be completely current on the specifics here, but the last I heard, the earliest a child survived a premature birth was about 6 months. And with mechanical assistance about 4 months. I'm willing to assume that no child has, or would, willingly sign a DNR, so those states that require a mechanically assisted wait period should have that apply here too.

So, until we have facts to the contrary let's say 4 months is the earliest a fetus has survived to childhood. Heck, let's say 3. So, 3 months is where the "not yet alive" fetus (legally) becomes a "person" (legally). Prior to that, it has all the same rights (in that state, country, region) as a terminally ill person, not able to support their own life, and not responding to machines. If you choose to treat them as one of the family, great. If not, then a coat hangar in a back alley shouldn't be your only option (homework assignment: go watch Dirty Dancin' again).

Logic.
If we're going to get into legal structures, let's get deep. If someone has a knife in their hand and are slowly pushing it through your chest, to your heart, what are your legal rights? What are your Moral rights? Ethical rights? Think about it. Certain types of pregnancy are just this dangerous to the mother. If an egg deposits in the fallopian tube, the growing "child" will stretch and rupture it long before term, killing both the mother and the fetus. Suicide is illegal (irrational, but we'll get to that another time). Murder is illegal (everywhere). Why should we want laws that allow them in the case of pregnancy?

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/10/07/1023558/-Occupy-My-Uterus-My-Ass!-Fertilized-Eggs-Are-NOT-People

Social
There are dangerous precedents involved here. If we flip these proposed abortion laws back over, then DNRs become illegal, unplugging people becomes illegal, and in short order, we have a vegetative hospice system that rivals the current penitentiary system in both size and cost.

Even in cases where the pregnancy isn't dangerous, there's issues. First, this affects how deep the government can drill into your life. There isn't just a "child" here, but the mother. Best case scenario, her body will be wracked with changes for 9 months, and then she'll be saddled with emotional and financial responsibilities for the rest of her life.

Then there's the financial aspects. Not only do I feel that a woman AND the father have a say in the pregnancy, but the people who have to pay for the results should too. If the mother is on welfare, shouldn't "the people" have a say in that particular pregnancy, or at least provide a proxy?

Compromise
I'm willing to concede that the "child" left growing inside it's mother will probably grow into a baby, and may live to vote. But one final point I'd like to make:
Does it HAVE to be inside THAT mother?
We've proven that in-vitro fertilization can work. In cases of rape, incest, drugs, ignorance, etc., can we just trade out the mothers before implantation occurs? How about freezing the fertilized egg until a host can be found? Then the egg can be moved and allowed it's chance? This works even if everything else is ignored. People of mississippi, I encourage you to ponder.

T-Mobile Inspection...

I'd like to take a look at the local run of T-mobile commercials. Normally I'm only moved to comment on the truly idiotic fare provided us. But the latest run of t-mobile commercials are incredibly spot on if you know what you're looking for. The basic idea is to knock off the famous Apple commercials featuring two spokesmen "I'm a Mac" and "I'm a PC" featuring all the troubles of Windows, and the simpler, easier solutions from Apple. The targeted Mac audience at the time was younger, hipper crowds with an artistic flair, and those commercials reflected it. The PC was represented by an older, more corporate looking gentleman who (no offense) looked a little bloated. They were wildly effective, and I can understand why others have mimicked them.

This new crop of commercials features a pretty brunette woman representing t-mobile, usually in some eye catching pink outfit keyed to the T-mobile corporate pink. On the left side of the screen, a dull-witted young man with the ATT network represented by a scheming, balding older man. On the surface it kinda looks the same. But that's where it ends. In the first commercial, the speeds of the two networks were represented by motorcycles: T-mobile being a rice rocket that never moves onscreen, whereas ATT is represented by a pocket bike that actually delivers our hapless customer to the commercial. Careful observers will notice that at no time does the t-Mobile bike move or even gets touched, and the pink-clad rep doesn't even have a helmet. "4G" users in the LA area have noted that coverage is a little spotty if you end up behind a barrier, like a few sheets of writing paper. Like the cycle you can't ride, you get coverage you can barely use.

Similarly, if you read this article in Wikipedia, you'll see that the highly touted "4G" T-mobile LTE network isn't really 4G at all, it's an interim step between the two formats. LTE is actually a high-speed version of 3G, and to be fair, it is almost twice as fast (at best rates). Most of t-mobile's competitors have not succumbed to this dishonest labeling, even those who also have LTE or other interim networks. This effect is illustrated by the T-mobile girl, looking shockingly thin, almost anemic, wearing a pink sundress designed to give her the illusion of greater substance while the ATT rep is in a good fitting suit.

Since Apple has been partnered with ATT for so long, and the commercials are carefully constructed not to take shots at the iPhone hardware that must run on ATT, one must wonder, did Apple let t-mobil get the number of their ad agency with the purpose of undermining their efforts using T-mobiles own commercials? :) I feel like T-mobile has gotten what it deserves with these obvious rip-offs.

Rave Act of 2011 (AB74)

The following is the silliest anti-rave legislation I've ever seen. Look carefully at the wording... this applies to everyone who:

• plays any recorded music (including Musak, country rock, etc)


• at "night" (between sunset and sunrise"


• during an event that lasts more than 3 hours (not necessarily all at night)


• not in a bar or sports arena.

So, any club that doesn't serve alcohol, most restaurants, and any kind of dance instruction (like Sr night polka dancing) would all be breaking the law. Every time a store has a sale (ie "event") and has musac plying, all night prayer vigils, and congressional meetings where the national anthem is played are all in violation. While it's fresh in my mind, EVERY New year's eve party would probably break this law.

Movie studios could only operate during daytime hours. Heck, Ralphs, Vons and Home Depot all played Xmas music well after dark. Oooh, yeah, Let's not forget halloween. Most of those parks and spook-houses have some kind of music running for 5-6 hours at least. And at the extreme silly end of the interpretation chain, a ladies' sewing circle plays Fox news in the background all afternoon, but happens to run a few minutes after sundown would be in total violation if Fox plays ANY kind of pre-recorded music. Speaking of fox, how about those late-running all-day football fests. Those are events and what beer commercial doesn't have some music....

This bill is ill-conceived, and ill intended. The fallout from this could be immense if passed. But if people know that it's coming, it won't stand a chance. Forget telling your raver friends, tell everyone who ever listens to music and does anything at night.

New Rave Act (AB74)

Assemblywoman Fiona Ma proposed legislation yesterday to ban large electronic music events in California. In her own words “The introduction of AB 74 is the first step toward eliminating these dangerous events”. Read the full text of the proposed legislation at the end of this email.

Fiona Ma's legislation is just one part of a larger agenda by the police and policy makers to shut down electronic music events in California. Our music and culture is being discriminated against and if we don't stand up and fight, they will succeed.

Thanks very much for your time! You can find the proposed legislation here:
*
*

THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA DO ENACT AS FOLLOWS:

SECTION 1. This act shall be known and may be cited as the Anti-Raves Act of 2011.

SEC. 2. Section 421 is added to the Penal Code, to read:
421. (a) Any person who conducts a public event at night that
includes prerecorded music and lasts more than three and one-half
hours is guilty of a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of ten thousand
dollars ($10,000) or twice the actual or estimated gross receipts
for the event, whichever is greater.

(b) Subdivision (a) shall not apply to a public event on private
property if the entity that conducts the public event has a business
license to operate a bar, club, theater, entertainment venue, or
other similar business, or to conduct sporting events, and conducting
the public event is consistent with the business license.

(c) For purposes of this section, "night" means that period
between sunset and sunrise.

SEC. 3. No reimbursement is required by this act pursuant to
Section 6 of Article XIII B of the California Constitution because
the only costs that may be incurred by a local agency or school
district will be incurred because this act creates a new crime or
infraction, eliminates a crime or infraction, or changes the penalty
for a crime or infraction, within the meaning of Section 17556 of the
Government Code, or changes the definition of a crime within the
meaning of Section 6 of Article XIII B of the California Constitutio

Cold and Flu season

"An expectorant increases bronchial secretions and mucolytics help loosen thick bronchial secretions. Expectorants reduce the thickness or viscosity of bronchial secretions thus increasing mucus flow that can be removed more easily through coughing, Mucolytics break down the chemical structure of mucus molecules. The mucus becomes thinner and can be removed more easily through coughing" (Adams, Holland, & Bostwick, 2008, p. 591).

One of the worst rated drugs available over the counter is a cough syrup that contains both an expectorant AND a cough suppressant. If you read the above definition again, it should become quite clear why. Since the popularity of the first medication to contain this combination went through the roof, many others have followed.

But the problem isn't so much with the products, but with the drug-seeking culture we live in. People drink this stuff to get high. It doesn't just suppress symptoms, it makes you feel stoned. That's why it's popular. And then, because it's popular, people who don't know the definition of the word "expectorant" buy it because everyone else does.

Fortunately for most people, the expectorant in Robitussin DM isn't proven to work. It's only medicinal function is as a cough suppressant. Unfortunately that doesn't keep the knock-offs from using actual expectorants. And the people who take those medications usually end up with a mild form of pneumonia caused by unreleased mucous in the lungs.

*sigh*

Read a label this week. Read one every week. Understand what you read.

Columbus day

Things to do while waiting for the mail on Columbus Day

Really, there's nothing like Columbus Day for the ultimate non-holiday. He didn't "discover" America. How can you "discover" a place that's already occupied? He wasn't even the the first European to get here, the vikings clearly made it first. And before them, the Asians traded Jade here. And long before that, on the steppes of russia, someone crossed an ice bridge to get here and start the human population. But, the mail stops running anyway. So here's a few things to do to "honor" his "achievement".

• Go on a LONG trip (kinda goes without saying). But not just around the corner, you need to go somewhere SO FAR that someone else has to fund your trip.


• Remember, you can ignore the accepted laws of nature when you do. 1000 years before columbus sailed, the size of the earth was known. To sail from England straight to China is almost as long a trip as going 'round the other way. The difference is: no place to stop (if the America's aren't there). The crew was near starvation when they landed in Bermuda.


• Go someplace that doesn't speak your language, but don't take a translator. Off to China, no one even speaks Mandarin.


• Go looking for drugs. Columbus was looking for a faster Opium trade route.


• Remember, No matter where you end up, that's where you meant to arrive. If you're heading for Florida and end up in Ohio, make sure to call them all "Gators". Columbus died believing he had landed on India, twice. He didn't take an interpreter the second time either.


• Make friends wherever you end up. And of course we treat our friends properly by raping, enslaving and killing them. Once they're dead, you can plunder their homes.

My first whack at parody

When did the internet start?

I was looking for a line in the UK series Red Dwarf when I came across a plethora of pages musing about the beginnings of the internet. Many answers were given from 1965 when the first email was sent to 1991 when the world wide web was released.

Okay, first of all, the internet is not email. You wouldn't be reading this if it was. And it's not the web either. I worked with the Xanadu project team who were the ones responsible for writing Hypertext. Html was supposed to allow people to transmit documents and keep the biblios in order. The current version is a complete travesty compared to the original intent.

No, look at the word: Inter- net. You see, once upon a time, you couldn't connect from one side of the country to the other without a long distance call. Yes, in the early 80s there were "networks" but most people did internet stuff on local "Bulletin Boards". Mostly colleges and universities provided local network access, and major providers like AOL (Apple on line), Prodigy (no, not the band), and Genie were just huge, dialup boards with no national connectivity.

Some nodes, that had overlapping service, would connect to each other to allow users to extend services to greater areas. I used to dial up to a BBS called MNet. It served southern Michigan via dialup and short wave (yes, transmission of modem signal over ham radio... the first WiFi). MNet was within the boundaries of MichNet, the local Michigan Statewide network. MichNet could connect to Ilinet, the university of Chicago, which had a link to Some Corporation in St.Paul. These sorts of links went on and on.

Eventually, these links became part of ARPANET. A network begun on the west coast and reached all the way across to the country by the 1970s. And legitimately, this could be called an internet. However, it was never intended as a public access net. A great deal of email traffic was sent through Arpa, true, but this was almost exclusively amongst college staff and students. The real internet was yet to come.

In the early 80s, the National Science Foundation was considering linking up Arpa, local networks, and a number of supercomputers to the national board servers to see if they could benefit from it, and added a second net for the military. It was the inception of the NSF net that was the real internet. Finally AOL could email UMass and then off to Xerox in California. the date of decision for this great project was April 15th 1985. It took until 1986 to really get going.

They decided to wait 10 years before the first review, but it took no time at all. By 1990, All the major providers had linked up and the local networks like Michnet and individual universities; and they were all working pretty much seamlessly in one vast network. This was the first real "internet". In 1995, the NSF reviewed the internet and decided that the NSFNet was more of a distraction than an aid. So the project was ended and the connections were rebuilt by the private sector. It took a few weeks to stabilize, but when it came back on line, May of 1995, we had the Internet as we know it today.

Micro Solar

I was talking with a friend about transitions of technology, and she mentioned that it seemed like anything that saved a lot of people money and environmental stress moved so much slower than cheap easy ways to make money, like vinyl to tape to cds to iPods. Somewhere a long the line, it occurred to me, The biggest problem with the solar movement is the big ticket up front with no appreciable service jump or payoff in sight. However, people have seemed to grasp the concept of the CFL bulbs (*shudder*) just fine.

Then I came up with an idea. If someone could make a small device, and a modular solar system, solarizing a house could be done in increments. For example if the refrigerator could be plugged into a box that was plugged into a wall outlet AND to a solar panel such that the power provided to the panel was converted and delivered as the preferred source to the device, then people start saving Immediately, even with a fairly small system. Modularize the panels so that one plugs into another like those little Honda generators to increase the wattage each time and people can save a little to get a new panel rather then taking out a loan to do the whole job.

But wait, there's more. We have devices designed to create shade (oddly, called "shades"). Instead of a rooftop device, what about an easily installed, fixed window awning that provides solar power? and who says they have to be square? Couldn't a solar panel be manufactured in attractive shapes and such to help blend in with decorating motifs? Imagine a victorian cut panel over your sink, that feeds a battery. The battery is plugged into a small regulator that powers your garbage disposal. Later, you put one on the roof to help power your fridge, and another one later that powers your TV. It may take years to "go off the grid" but that's years of reduced power usage. And most importantly, these smaller systems could be installed in apartments and rentals on a temporary basis and moved with the occupant. This would quadruple the customer base in a minute.

A hopefully helpful though sent out into the world.
If you use it, think well of me
- EJ "Tedward" LeCouteur

An open letter to spammers

Okay, first of all, don't let my general loathing for you get in the way of your enjoying this letter. I'm genuinely trying to help here. I think if we can turn on that little bulb above your head, everyone can benefit.

Okay, so, I want to clarify that although I include "Opt-out" mailings as spam they are by no means included in this. In my mind, opt-out mail companies, like Mac Mall/PC Mall take the email addresses they have accumulated (usually from you buying their products) and sell them to "related companies" who also want to sell you stuff that they know, for sure, you probably want. For example, buy a computer at Mac Mall, and you get software advertisements from some other company. Never mind that they WILL NOT EVER remove your address from their list, and even though they make it so that you can legally "opt out" of any list they create, they can, AT ANY TIME, create new lists to put you on.

No, The spam that I'm addressing is a step slimier than that. These are the guys who use one of several means to gather your email address (web spiders, list hijackers, viral infection, purchase from opt out companies) and try to sell you stuff you DON'T want, nor have ever inquired about, though hijacked servers. Often, these schemes are just covers for credit card frauds and such.

But here's where we get to the point. The following subject line was on a letter to me:
~~~Good day :~~~Vicodi~ _ P~ercocet~~~
Okay, we get it. you're offering Vicodin and Percocet. Notice that the two primary ingredients are changed so that humans will pattern recognize the names but computers, specifically spam filters, won't read it. Thus, you can get your spam in front of human eyes instead of automatically getting filtered.

But, (now, listen closely) anyone who has a spam filter is willing to lose the occasional real letter, making their life just that more irritating, in order to avoid getting letters JUST LIKE THIS. So, why the alteration to slip it through? Are you hoping that someone will say "Wait, Vicodin AND Percocet???? i gots to get me some of that!"

Okay, so, I get it, just one sucker clicking the wrong thing will become subject of identity theft or some other form of fraud that could be worth thousands to you. But if people are already filtering you, why the deception? Someone who has a filter is ALREADY WISE to your schemes. And any companies providing mail service will have even better spam traps. SO WHAT'S THE POINT.

Why don't you restrict yourself to fraudulent porn sites and such? I mean the only grubworm lower than someone who would defraud the public in a manner like this would have to be the person who actually tries to buy pharmaceuticals on the internet.

E-coli happens

It's a med-tech joke. Really, you don't want to know.

I light myself on fire for a living. I've looked down many gun barrels held in fear, anger, duty, and jealousy. I've been shot, stabbed, frozen, drowned, electrocuted, hit by cars, fought with horses, angry women, bullies, and dragons. I've died in the desert sun, on mountain snow, on grassy field, and on placid lake. I've stepped through deaths door so often, I have my own coffee mug there.

But never have felt so fragile and helpless as in the hands of the AMA. So, in case my feelings for them aren't clear, I've asked the ghost of Johnny Cash to help out...

On the other hand, despite my brush with the only Drug Pushers I've ever had the displeasure to meet, I feel that I leave the better for it. I have data confirmation that my self-diagnosis over the years have been 100% correct. And despite a little brush with what must have been acid reflux a couple years ago, my heart is in fine shape.

Yes, I'm a fat bastard who needs to lose weight. And I already took the first few steps towards that goal. I bough an iPod so that I had something to listen to on walks (personal best this week, I broke the 20 minute mile). And I recently bought a real refrigerator.

You see, since I moved in to Culver City over 6 years ago, I've had this tiny mini fridge as my only unit. Sounds great until you realize you can't have frozen foods, or large quantities of anything that can spoil. Basically, it sucks. But now I can keep whole heads of lettuce, healthy snacks, all fruit popsicles, etc in there and know they'll come out right. It's remarkably improved my eating habits.

Plus, I feel even more empowered to continue listening to my body (and totem) for dietary cues. So far, they've been dead on with what I need.

In short, I feel like a new man. And it only cost me $800, three needle pricks, completely toxifying myself with bad prescriptions, and a couple weeks of stress.

Alchemic Tango

So, I recently had a pretty severe inner ear infection that caused me to break a 12 year streak and seek medical attention from the 'guys with the good drugs'. That's right, the almighty, allopathic, AMA. One ear infection and I end up spending $800 for a blinding array of tests to have them tell me the things I diagnosed for myself were, in fact, the case. Oh, and here, take some pills. Never mind that the things we "just caught in the nick of time" are things I've known about and have been treating for years. Oh, and here, take some pills. Never mind that ALL I wanted to do was get some antibiotics for my ear. Oh, and here, take some pills.

The AMA was formed to combat hucksterism and the patented medicine industry. If you're drawing a blank here, think of Sweeney Todd and the Pirelli's Miracle Elixir scene. Oh, and here, take some pills. In this case, Todd would be the humble and well-intentioned AMA, and Pirelli would be the shameless huckster portrayed in the movie. Thing is, the AMA did eventually move on to the atrocities displayed in the movie by Todd: literally cutting the throats of it's competition (in some cases) to attain dominance over american medicine. Oh, and here, take some pills.

Now, I walk out of the clinic with 6 bottles of pills, multiple punctures, referrals for two specialists, and a pear tree up my partridge. These last few days have incited more stress in me than the last 10 years of running my own business. Oh, and here, take some pills. Never mind that I found some startling similarities between my 'treatment' there and typical cult indoctrinations: 15 hour fast, separation from home, change of name, group-specific terminology, and let's not forget the drugs. Oh, and here, take some pills.

And now, having googled all the various pills they gave me, I find that one of them counteracts another, two cause symptoms that counteract each other, the one pill I feared most turns out to be the most innocuous of the bunch and the ones they put me on first are the most likely to kill me. Yaaay... Oh, and here, take some pills.

Tis the Season

I think I just spoke to my father for the last time.

Years from now, I'll look back at this as a present, the likes of which I may never get again, but right now it feels like a dark pall on my Xmas day. Lemme 'splain.

First, my father has been sick. Really sick. He's over 90, so this is hardly a shock. He smoked for 40 years, worked in a factory and generally lead a sinful, meat-eating, stripper watching life. But my mother died a couple months back and apparently, that's all that was holding him together.

Though we don't talk about it much, most of the members of both my bloodlines have selected the time of their deaths. My mother's mother left a little note the night she died. My mother called and talked to everyone before she kicked. My father's father was particularly cruel by telling the boys to stand against the wall in punishment until he came back down stairs, then laid down to die. The examples go on and on.

Before my nana died, we had a Very intense talk amidst a sea of aberrant behavior for her. She hadn't been lucid for days but managed to speak her peace to me before drifting off again. Most folks made the same remark.

Well, I just had about the same conversation with my dad. He's cleaning out, speaking his peace, and looking for solace in his last days. Even if I talk to him again, I doubt I'll get my dad, but rather a rapidly deteriorating shell.

Merry Xmas to me.

*sigh*

What's Microsoft really saying?

Okay, so, this image to the left is from the amusingly wonderful folks at Photoshop Disasters. It shows two Microsoft ads, One for the US, and the other for Poland. MS is doing backflips to explain why the black man's head is [badly] replaced with a white man. Notice the hands aren't different.

But here's where it gets really good. What ELSE is this image telling us? First take a good long look at the monitor in front of the woman. It's not plugged into anything. Also, notice the white laptop in front of the edited man.... It's a Mac Book Pro with the apple logo carefully removed. So, apparently, the IT tools YOU need are to unplug your MS machine and get a Mac. :)

Oh, and if you happen to be black and heading to Poland, wear a white mask. ;P

An open letter to Coors

Thank you so much for providing your "Cold Activated Can". Long have I hoped that nature could have provided me with some sort of sensory mechanism, say, on my hand, that was just as capable of responding to temperature as my mouth. But, bereft of a naturally calibrated system like that, we have to resort to vision and your new packaging.

I know what a monumental task it must have been to develop this bleeding edge technology in this economy. Thermographic imaging has come a LONG way since the recent invention of candles and lemon juice. Even the little known technology of "mood rings" could not have advanced the industry as much as YOUR product. Clearly a Nobel prize is in your future.

Thank you so much for spending your company's profits on this immensely helpful technology. Thank you for not spending those profits in a temporary price reduction, pay increases for your workers, or re-opening plants to put more people to work in these trying times. Thank you for pushing millions of dollars into the advertising industry instead. The 3-4 people in your commercials clearly needed the money more than the people who faithfully made and consumed the one American beer that can be sometimes successfully argued not to be cold urine.

Now, I will take my leave. You see, a few of my buddies have taken our cues from your workers in the deep south. We'll be donning white (and black) apparel, covering our heads with white (facepaint) and marching on the local McDonalds. Imagine their faces when they see 100 Mimes burning a Fleur-De-Lis on their front lawn. Nothing says "stop it" like the burning symbol of France!

Heelarious

No...
I roll my eyes at "safety third", I get tiffed when someone blows up buildings in new york, I even get a little queasy when some shmuck commits genocide in the name of racial purity. But this... this... Baby's first High Heels?!?!?!?!?! BLAAAAARRRRGGH.....
I can't stop vomiting. Will somebody please crash their server?

Seriously.... the 'fashion' world must be stopped. I felt weird when someone started telling people what to wear. And I can't imagine letting someone else decorate my home. But imposing adult fashion on Babies?!?! really? How about Baby's first mascara? AAA cup training bras? Baby's first Botox? Fetal breast implants? It's bad enough LA is infested with women who have every curve sucked out of them until they look like little boys, then inject their lips, breasts, and gawd knows what else with the fat they sucked out of somewhere else. But do we have to start them on this track before they can develop a normal adult psychosis about their looks? GAAA!

You cannot deny a man a stick, who lives in the woods.

Newspapers have been sighing this dying gasp: "But, where will you get your investigative journalism?" To which I've always cynically replied, same place we've gotten it since watergate... no where. Part of the point of investigative journalism is secrecy and the incapability of information to get out. Now with photo cell phones, everyone with $100 and a 7-11 can become part of the information flow. If watergate were to happen nowadays, it'd be some maid snapping pictures rather than a journalist who couldn't sleep.

Well, here we go. All the US and canadian journalists were thrown out of Iran before the election (probably because they knew they would have to steal the election) but the information network we built (ie the Internet) simply cannot be stopped. This tremendous access to information delivery systems has made the old investigatory measures less necessary, and in many ways less effective. Everything is becoming more transparent. Modern bloggers can see through walls and hear through doors that no flatfooted ink monkey could have ever dreamed of achieving. And as technology gets better, so will this effect.

Print is dying because it's already been replaced... in every way... by better stuff. Instead of paying a few people with limited connections to investigate, we've made the entire world our reporting team. The news media outlets get it. half the time they're citing the net. Print needs to catch up or die. And then where will we get information that's 1-100 days old?

On elevation

There's been a quiet debate over the choice to put elevators or escalators into a building. Elevators are safe, they take people in wheelchairs, large loads, strollers, etc with the same aplomb. The down side is that they don't work without power.

Escalators, on the other hand, turn into a set of stairs when the power is turned off. Their down side is that they use power constantly, even when they're not in use, until they're turned off completely.

Okay, so, here's an idea for some entrepreneur, for what it's worth:
Create a wide-step escalator that has a button at the entrance point. A wheelchair can enter the stationary step, hit the button and be taken exactly to the exit point (and no further). Add a 20 second delay to insure that someone else doesn't activate the thing while the chair disembarks. Then, people who don't need it, can "take the stairs", and those who do, get escalated at whim.

Someone really creative might make that button a "stop/start request" button. The stairs would have weight or laser sensors to let them know if someone is on, and they keep rolling, only while needed, then automatically shut down when not in use. The button at the entrance would then either stop the escalator while running or start it up while not running. If it's used to start running, it runs through the above, single trip cycle before starting it's auto-roll again.

To Whom it may concern....

While on my evening stroll I came across an interesting site: a white car parked in front of the El Pollo Loco at 912 N Vermont. I checked the time, it was 6:15, and since that area is part of the 4-7 anti gridlock zone, it was the ONLY car parked on Vermont. Naturally, it was causing traffic backups as people dodged out of that lane to go around.

As I approached the car, I noticed it was an LA City college campus security vehicle (funded by the Sheriff's department). Well, now, as a cab driver, I heard my share of "you're supposed to set an example" speeches, so I decided to wait and see if this was the right time to deliver one of my own.

So I leaned up against car #67 with license plate CA exempt 1051619 for a few minutes until someone appeared. An officer in white with 2 bags of chicken did appear around 6:40. In that time waiting, another vehicle (civilian), inspired by the police car, had parked behind him, in full view of the 'anti-gridlock' and 'no parking 4-7 pm' signs.

I asked if the officer had the time. He did. I pointed out that quarter to 7 was in fact well between 4pm and 7pm. But he brushed past me. I checked his badge number #77 and tried to point out that the El pollo loco had it's own off-street parking lot but he rolled away.

So, I went to LACC campus security to report him, where I found the car AGAIN.... parked in a Red Zone. And, of course, the officer in question was the post commander. So naturally, reporting him would do no good.

After 2 years of putting up with the construction of that ridiculous parking lot, and the avarice in which parking tickets are issued on my street, I think it's time that someone tell this clown that he's not king of his private hill.

Earth Day

I know You're probably getting inundated with Earth-this green-that. And If you've read this blog, you know how I feel about plastic. So, here's a little Earth Friendly tip that will save you money, and save the planet:

Get a safety razor. They're still pretty cheap, the only thing you throw out is Metal, and the blade refills are cheap in 100 packs. I just got this one, and I couldn't be happier. And If you REALLY want to get jiggy, you can always get a straight razor and strop and throw out nothing. Works for anyone who shaves.

The Zen of Dow

For a very long time, the Dow industrials hovered around 1000. Then because of Reganomics, or Voodoo Economics, the Dow tripled in one term, leaving us with the first major bubble. If popped, leaving Bush Sr with the mess to clean up. His term ended with an even higher mark than when he came in.

Then there was Clinton. Because of Y2K, the clinton years were blessed with a bubble that was known to have a fixed end date, plus a couple of financial wizards making for unbridled prosperity for precisely his term. Once the threat of the y2k bug was over, the computer market deflated (much the way a blister does when the burn is gone) and the market should have returned to about 4000. But it didn't, because Dubya wanted to keep things moving upwards. And they did everything to prevent what is happening right now.

Okay, without the artificial, and temporary need for 100s or 1000s of geeks, and without a housing market that was clearly cheating someone, the market needs to return to the pre-inflationary levels. Wall street will have to take it's belt in a bit, and the cold war will have to finally end. Does this mean socialism for all? No, but another "new deal" is already on the table (look it up). I'm predicting that the current price of stocks at 6600 will drop another 2500 points before this all ends, then at about 4000, we'll begin a reasonably stable rebound.

But under Obama, it will NOT be like it has since the 80s, buy low and sell high will be for the people who actually do the investigations not just any scammer that can get a trading ticket. Getting rich in the market won't be just a matter of getting as much money in as possible, it will be a very hard and difficult journey. That said, I think this will also end a lot of our globalization as people will start to invest in the things they can see: local businesses and brands, and not on vague speculations like the last 30 years.